Most of us were bullied at one time or another when we were kids. More often than not, it was at school and often during recess. The bully was usually a boy and usually the bullying was physical. We didn’t like it. We sometimes got hurt but for most of us it was an unhappy but brief experience in our lives.
That kind of bullying still goes on today – usually among boys – and it’s still direct, physical and an act in the moment. But there’s also a more insidious and calculating kind of bullying going on. It’s driven by technology and can result in pain that is as powerful and hurtful as any physical beating can be.
Cyber bullies use the Internet and the cell phone to name-call, manipulate, spread rumors and exclude. It includes using cyber sites such as MySpace and Facebook, instant messaging (IMing) and texting. While it’s something girls are more apt to do, boys do it, as well.
Because it’s tech-based, the bullying is instantaneous and far-reaching and can take place anywhere, even in classrooms without a teacher being aware of it. It’s easier for kids to do and to get away with. And it has the capacity for more kids to participate in the bullying – one harsh, hurtful comment can turn into 30 comments in mere minutes.
But because cyber bullying isn’t physical (though it can lead to that), there are no cuts or bruises to tell a parent that their child is being bullied. There are some warning signs to be aware of however, including if your child is unusually withdrawn from you – not sharing like they used to; they’ve had belongings stolen or suddenly lost; or they’re excluded from activities they once were involved in.
What can parents do? Prevention is always best including teaching your child to be assertive; being a positive role model yourself (not spreading rumors, making fun of others); being aware of where your child is online; and knowing your child’s friends’ parents as friends will often tell their parents about what’s happening to their friends.
Encourage your child to talk to their teachers, and if they’re not available or listening, then to Youth Eastside Services counselors at local schools or teen centers.
If your child is being cyber bullied, be kind, gentle and protective as you develop a plan with your child as he or she is probably feeling unsafe and often ashamed. Ask them what they need or want to feel safe and secure. Encourage them to get a new cell phone and new Facebook or MySpace pages. Give them all the support and love they need. That’s always been the best defense against bullying, whatever form it takes.
Patti Skelton-McGougan is executive director of Youth Eastside Services (YES).
