When she first started asking her students to write up the top 10 “commandments” they would give their parents, Bothell High School teacher Mary Simmons said she really wasn’t sure what she would get in return.

She admits what she didn’t expect was that the common theme running through all of her students’ most popular answers could be summed up in one seemingly very surprising word: “discipline.”

The unanticipated results were at least partly what prompted Simmons to join her father in writing “Discipline Me Right: Tips from Teens for Parents,” a new, roughly 100-page book produced in July by Utah-based publisher Horizon.

For the book, Simmons tallied eight years worth of “10 Commandment” lists collected from Bothell High students.

“The surprising thing is they (teens) want discipline, they want guidance,” said Simmons, who had expected the phrase “Love Me” to take the top slot. It actually came in eighth, though Simmons insists discipline – which she refers to as “Vitamin D” – is a kind of love.

“Love is implied, I think, in all the points,” Simmons said.

According to Simmons’ tally, the Top 10 commandments parents need to keep in mind are, in part, “Discipline Me Right,” “Provide for Me,” “Allow Me Freedom,” “Be a Role Model” and “Be There.”

Other teen requests revolve around privacy, reasonable expectations on the part of parents and respecting a teen’s individuality. Notice the phrase “listen to me” didn’t make the top 10, another surprise in Simmons’ mind.

Still, if the results were not what Simmons expected, her students never have expressed disbelief, she said.

“They weren’t surprised at all by the results,” Simmons added.

When she talks about the commandments with parents, they aren’t necessarily surprised by the answers either, but they always seem to want to see the full top 10, Simmons said.

Including an exhaustive list of all of the commandments mentioned by her students over the years, Simmons’ book basically expands on the points made by those students. She offers various tips based on the commandments, as well as interpretations of the commandments.

For example, Simmons counsels parents to establish mutual boundaries with their teens.

“You let the other person know what you will accept and what you what you won’t,” she said.

Another pointer she mentioned was not using “foggers” when talking to your children. In other words, don’t just say, “I see,” or “I understand.” Instead, respond in full to the teen’s question or comment, at the same time actually listening to what they say.

Simmons’ book further describes various skills parents can develop and gives them guidance in how to deal with specific situations, for example how to disarm an argument before it even starts.

While the book is based on responses from teens, Simmons said its basic ideas can be applied to children of any age. For younger children, the idea of setting expectations might mean telling a youngster ahead of time how to act in a store.

“We just expect kids will know how to behave and they don’t,” Simmons commented.

Simmons said she wrote “Discipline Me Right” in “fits and starts” over a period of about two years. She said she was guided all the way by her father, Bert Simmons who, at 75, still works as an educational consultant specializing in – you guessed it – discipline.

“My dad’s input is everywhere in the book,” Mary Simmons said, though she added she did all the writing and plenty of outside research herself.

“He got to sit by the pool and be interviewed,” Simmons said of her father.

Simmons noted that as she was growing up, Bert Simmons was a strict disciplinarian.

“But I never felt fear, I always felt love,” Mary Simmons said. “He was always gentle and fair.”

She said one key to their relationship was that her father was always consistent in his approach. Simmons added that she always knew there would be consequences for her actions.

While Simmons’ book is based on a Top 10 list, she was surprised to learn it had made a different kind of listing. While the tome still is fairly new, it has spent a few weeks in the top 10 books on discipline as sold by Amazon.com.

For those interested, Simmons said Amazon.com is probably the best place to obtain the book. She also plans a book signing Sept. 11 at Third Place Books in Lake Forest Park. For more information, go to Simmons Web site, http://disciplinemeright.vpweb.com/.